The Gottman's FOUR HORSEMEN OF THE APOCALYPSE

 Common marriage problems,

1. Criticism: Attacking your partner’s personality or character, usually with the intent of making someone right and someone wrong:

Generalizations: “you always…” “you never…”“you’re the type of person who …” 

“why are you so …”


2. Contempt: Attacking your partner’s sense of self with the intention to insult or psychologically abuse him/her:

- Insults and name-calling: “bitch, bastard, wimp, fat, stupid, ugly, slob, lazy…” 

- Hostile humor, sarcasm or mockery 

- Body language & tone of voice: sneering, rolling your eyes, curling your upper lip


3. Defensiveness: Seeing self as the victim, warding off a perceived attack:

- Making excuses (e.g., external circumstances beyond your control forced you to act in a   certain way) “It’s not my fault…”, “I didn’t…”

- Cross-complaining: meeting your partner’s complaint, or criticism with a complaint of your   own, ignoring what your partner said▪Disagreeing and then cross-complaining “That’s not   true, you’re the one who …” “I did this because you did that…”

- Yes-butting: start off agreeing but end up disagreeing

- Repeating yourself without paying attention to what the other person is saying

- Whining “It’s not fair.”


4. Stonewalling:** Withdrawing from the relationship as a way to avoid conflict. Partners may think they are trying to be “neutral” but stonewalling conveys disapproval, icy distance, separation, disconnection, and/or smugness: 

- Stony silence 

- Monosyllabic mutterings 

- Changing the subject 

- Removing yourself physically 

- Silent Treatment.


Along with harsh start-ups and negative sediment these communication styles can severally damage relationship. There is a better way! At Art of Loving Center, Michelle and I teach you the antidotes to a better communication style and ultimately to a marriage that is embedded with friendship, trust, passion, romance, and the love you have been longing for during this tribulation your marriage has been trapped in.


Do you have these marriage problem signs? 

Give us a call and lets work together in getting your marriage issues back on track. 

(425) 358-8558

marriage problems signs



Gottman Couples Videos marriage problems signs

 Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse 

The Gottman Institute    

The most important thing you can do to make a relationship work | 7 Principles | Dr. John Gottman  

John Gottman: How to Build Trust

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